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Ways to spice up your sex life after 40

Sex After 40

There’s a popular saying that life begins at 40. This statement is not only true but it also shows that life gets busier after 40 and it is accompanied by its downsides too. Forty is a peak age that comes with several responsibilities and a lot to look forward to. Couples who are over 40 get the hit on their love life as they have to focus on parenting, career, and financial responsibilities. They are also faced with physical and hormonal changes that come with ageing. However, with the right information and measures, couples can have it smooth all the way.

A sex educator, Sanasi Amos, stated that couples above 40 usually had it tough in their sex life. She noted that women who are above the prime age have difficulty enjoying sex due to perimenopausal symptoms, which cause them to experience dryness and low libido.

Similarly, a relationship counsellor, Earl Alright, explained that three primary contributory factors are responsible for lower sex drive after 40. He said hormonal changes in women, parenting, and career issues, among other responsibilities couples faced at that period have a great effect on their love life. He added that most couples in their 40s have to deal with the demands of raising their children who probably would be less than 10 years old.

Alright, who is also a sex therapist, said most people at that age would be at the peak of their career in managerial roles with more duties assigned to them, causing them to take leftover work home, distracting them from sex. These factors he noted lower sexual drive but lovers above 40 could still enjoy a fantastic love life.

The experts have listed some guidelines to spice up one’s sex life after 40.

Create time for each other

Building activities around your spouse ignites the love spark. Alright advised couples to engage in additional activities with their spouse, for instance, seeing movies together, joining couple groups and engaging in couple activities, going for date nights, etc.

He said, “Don’t take separate cars to events. Do shared activities together. If you cannot afford date nights, you could watch a movie together in the comfort of your home. Take advantage of date nights; you do not need to have all the ideas, there are many tourist groups out there that would plan the vacation for you.”


Generally, exercise enhances blood circulation to the genitals. For couples above 40 who experience dryness and low libido, Amos recommended exercise to increase blood flow, better erection, and lubrication to the genital area.

She recommended for women, kegel (pelvic floor muscles) exercise, noting that it helps to strengthen the walls of the vagina and could improve orgasms.

Explore other sex styles

Sex is not limited to penetration; other forms of sex are equally therapeutic.

“A shift from the typical vaginal form of sex would also help. You could have other forms of non-penetrative sex. It could be outercourse like fondling, cuddling, and oral sex, to mention a few.

“These acts can aid lubrication and clitoral stimulation,” Amos said.

Alright added that couples should ensure to cuddle, hug, hold hands and explore new things that involve sexual activities.

Communicate regularly

Communication creates a special connection and bonding between people. This is also a great tool for igniting the spark in marital relationships. Alright stressed that lovers should communicate more often and desist from discussing their marriage with others without communicating with each other. He advised older couples to focus more on friendship and attention to themselves.

Avoid familiarity

People get familiar with each other easily after staying together for a while. Alright noted that familiarity creeps in after some years in marriage and couples tend to get used to the dress or looks of their partners, which doesn’t spark new brain waves of attraction. The relationship counsellor suggested that couples need to adjust their dress sense to appeal to the needs of their partners.

He said, “You can change the familiar hairstyle, dress sense, or wardrobe collection you are known with. Change your undies and nighties. Look good and sexy for your spouse.”

Alright noted that the ability to be flexible is important in spicing up one’s love life, adding that couples should be more open to exploring oddities and be aware that they are not too old to try out the new.

Get a caregiver for your kids                                               

“Don’t let your kids take all of your time. You can get a caregiver for them or let them be with trusted friends or relatives when you are out with your spouse.

“Couples at this age should have had kids above age five, so train them to report anyone who maltreats them. You shouldn’t abandon your love life completely because when the kids grow up and leave the house, it will be hard to reignite the spark,” Alright said.

Use lubricants

Lubricants are necessary to increase friction and reduce pain experienced during penetration. Amos added that sex toys could also come in handy for those that fancy them.

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